Inactivity

School has started. I'm still working. And there's a ton of complete shit going down at home and with my family right now. As such, I clearly haven't been putting much time into this blog or my tumblr. In fact, I'm not sure if I'm going to stick with these at all. Ideals and priorities change over time, and I don't feel attached to either one of these.

Red Shoes

The Red Ballet Shoes by xxkattieer

The Red Shoes happens to be my absolute favorite children's story. Yes, it is indeed a children's story. It also a children's story that hasn't had any terribly popular "happy ending" adaptations. In fact, it has even become the inspiration for a Korean horror film by the same name. 

I doubt I'll ever understand fully why I always loved this story more than others. Originally, it caught my attention as a kid for the ballet. But even later on in life, I still remembered the story so well and still feel a fondness for it to this day. 

In actuality, it is a great story to warn children about vanity. And about dressing appropriately for church. 

So now I'll present to you the original format I discovered this story (except imagine it on a little television, recorded onto a video tape). 

Empowered by:

M81 Spiral Galaxy. Ultraviolet image from NASA's Galaxy Evolution Explorer.

This is more or less a response to a couple of posts I read on another site. The themes of these posts are what make you truly beautiful and feel empowered.

Because true beauty isn't genetic. It's in your actions, your values and your belief in yourself. Sure, there is a lot of outward beauty, but I've come to learn first hand that if you don't allow yourself to embody something beautiful the rest of the world will frequently turn blind to your outward beauty.

For me, I feel empowered by my beliefs.  I believe that everything we receive is what we've earned and that if we dislike it we always have the ability to evaluate ourselves and improve. I also believe that our hardest times are our biggest gifts, because that's when we're given the biggest opportunity to shine with our greatest light. 


I believe that we all have the power to embody the beauty of the universe. We just have to believe it to be there and to be 100% possible. 


What's important to keep in mind is that we will not all have the same path to empowerment. My belief in the power to overcome yourself and situation is certainly shared by others, but the value I place in it is my own due to the events in my life. For some people, empowerment and beauty may come through the unconditional love of their children or spouse, or through an indescribable need to be there to help those around them, or through the sense of freedom gained by running miles at a time. 


My question to you is: What empowers you?

Dreams

I love dreams. I have all sorts of dreams. But as I've just started watching "Camelot," I'm reminded of a dream I had once. I don't exactly remember when, but it was definitely within the past couple of years.

I dreamed I had gone to Avalon. I had wandered off from my family, I think. And so I was housed by a couple of wise witches who did their best to help me get back. They advised me not to eat anything and although I was certainly enjoying my time there playing in the fields under a golden sun and magical sky they warned me when my time was almost out. They told me that if I stayed too long, I would never be able to go home. Yet I stayed and lingered, until the worlds seemed to collide and when I looked out from the window in the house I could see my family waiting for me. Time was short, and the witches hurried me out the door back to my family before it was too late.

This dream felt so real. So very real. My memory of it may have faded for the most part, but it was a brilliant dream that I do wish to hang on to to the best of my ability. I don't mind if people think of me as foolish for perhaps believing that the soul can travel while our bodies slumber or not believing that reality can only be shaped one way.

Projects

My big summer project is to get the house clean. Top to bottom. Everything. I'm even willing to go try out cool home decorating projects. Heck, if I have to clean the floor with a toothbrush, I might just do it if only so that I can tell young children in the future that I did.

Now, why aren't I cleaning? Because I have no idea where to begin. We've all got a bit of packrat in us.

But if I can get the place clean and cleared out of junk, I imagine we'd have all sorts of space for other way more exciting projects from cooking to sewing to crafts and such.

Jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge

This video has 9 parts. I encourage watching all the way through.

Labels

Just so this is out there, should you ever try to get me to define my situation when it comes to relationships and sex, yes: The answer would be that I'm am, by definition, asexual.


I don't feel any particular desire to go have sex. I don't see people and think "Oh, I'd like to have sex with them." And it irritates me beyond belief the sexual objectification that goes on in society. Especially when people start getting into zodiac and other stuff, because the moment they hear I'm a scorpio, they just assume that my entire essence of being is about having sex and suddenly guys are asking me out.

However, when most people ask, I just tell them "I don't date." Because I don't. I've been on a couple dates and flat out hated it. I don't get into relationships. I just don't do that stuff.

Why? Well, probably because of all the sexual objectification.

So now to the originally planned spiel on Labels:


I think the labeling of 'sexual' or 'asexual' orientation is, for the most part, extremely useless and has been taken way too far.

The way I see it, it shouldn't matter if you're gay, bi, straight, asexual, biromantic, demisexual, or whatever. Having the names there to identify it so that, in the event that something is happening against your preferences, you can tell them "Hey, no thank you. I'm ____" and then move on with your lives.

Actually, this should apply to everything. Whether you're black, asian, christian, wiccan, satanist, or anything else. It's your personal identification, but it shouldn't become your restriction.

Labels have gotten way out of hand. This is why: because there is power in a name.


Whether you scoff at that idea or not, I think we all know it's true. How many of us have had our full names turned against us when our parents are angry?

There's a reason I don't tell people my middle name. The only use it has had is to get me to do things for my parents. Would I give that same power to someone I just met on the street? Hell no.

Actually, it works with your regular name, too. When you tell someone your First(+Last) name, what does that enable them to do?

• Look you up in a phonebook
• Find your Facebook, Myspace, and any other social networking site you might be associated with
• Google you to find pictures
• Stop you in public to say "Hello" and start conversations
• Ask you to do them a favor

So when you go around asserting yourself as Gay, Lesbian, Asexual, Demisexual, Satanist, Wiccan, Christian and so on, you're giving similar power to others. Sometimes it can be good and sometimes it can be hurtful.

I do not believe that they are things that should be hidden for convenience. I just think that our focus on them is outrageous.

You shouldn't have to tell anyone about sexual orientation unless it comes up in a private conversation. 

And then, if it is brought up, it shouldn't hold such a huge impact over people. 

Why?

Because we are all HUMANS. We are human beings and we share our space with each other. We share our lives, experiences, joys, sorrows, and so much more with everyone we ever encounter without even intending to. Just because someone does not share your own reality does not make them human. We all have blood that pumps oxygen through our bodies, brains that send electric impulses through the synapses between neurons to make your body move, think, breathe, digest and pee. 

Your employer doesn't need to know your sexual orientation, but if it were to come up it should have zero effect on your employment or paycheck. 

The Government shouldn't have any control over what people of different walks of life do. It's none of their business. They exist to protect the overall well-being, not to put pointless restrictions on everyone to feed their God-complex. 

If a man wants to marry a man, that's really none of your business. 

If a man or woman does not want to have sex and has never had sex, it should not induce an incredulous gasp from those around. Is it really that big of a deal? No, it is not.

Similarly, if a man or woman admits to having a lot of sex and enjoying it, it should not induce an incredulous gasp from those around. Because it really is not that big of a deal.

Just because a man is gay doesn't mean he wants to get with you. 

And this just does on and on.

I hate the huge explosions that occur over something of such little overall importance.

Dreams

Let me talk to you a bit about 'Dreams.' I've been watching a bunch of Glee and Make It or Break It (why, I don't know, considering these kids are 16-18 and I'm almost 21). These shows center around dreams. They center around finding that one thing to hold onto and chase after, whether it's singing or gymnastics.

I don't know. Maybe I watch them because I don't have some great, all-encompassing dream like that. I'm not even sure that I ever truly did.

Sometimes, I've felt like I was robbed of the opportunity to dream like that. We were always moving when I was little, and when we finally settled into one location it was with a bunch of people that loved to bully me. But I think now, that it's not true.

I've always had dreams. They just weren't single-minded dreams. I like trying new things out and doing things just because they sound fun. There is nothing wrong with that.

My family and friends have always thought that I'm supposed to be some great something. They say they support me, but if I go a different route than the one I was on, they get confused and aren't sure what to do with me.

I think it's just that people are expected to have this one big thing that they are supposed to do with themselves. You have to have one true calling, or you're not a valuable member of society. You can be a Gymnast or a Singer, not both. You can be a Chemist or a Model, not both. You can be a Horse Back Rider or a Writer. Not both.


Well, I have news for you, World. Things aren't black and white and you're allowed to want to do as many things as you can dream up.

Honestly, the only things I've ever really kept as some sort of life-long dream are to become a strong woman that can take on any challenge, and to live a long and healthy life. I also hope that I can find happiness with whatever I decide to do.

I've always wished I could do those stunts the Gymnasts do, or explore shipwrecks deep underwater, or sing and not have people make fun of me for sounding awful, or dance like a superstar, or to look amazing in photographs. Yes, I'd love to get up on stage one day and face a theater full of applause. I'd also love to know that I've done something to help another person.

They are all valid dreams, though they're really all that defined. I don't really want to be a world-class gymnast, or a singer with a record deal or a Broadway star or a supermodel. I just want to be a human being that lives an extraordinary life in her own way, whatever that is.

Yes, sometimes I feel robbed of my childhood. I can't remember more than half of it and the stuff I can remember isn't always pleasant. But you know what I do have? I have the Present and the Future. I have endless possibilities because I know that whatever I do, I can accomplish those goals. If I get somewhere amazing with that alone, then all the better.

Singing:

So here's an interesting tidbit about my life.

I hate my voice. Like, a lot. When I hear it, I can't imagine how I sound like that. The voice I hear in my head when I'm speaking is entirely different.

Another interesting tidbit:

My entire life, I've been told I can't sing. I've been told that I can't and told to just shut up and stop trying.

Between you and me, I'd say the two have a high chance of being correlated.

Now, then. Up until about a year ago, I had never ever been told that I was capable of singing, that my voice sounded good or even been encouraged to sing much. I mean, I had a brief bout in church choir, but it was very brief because, well, what's the point of sticking around and committing time and effort to something you'll never be good at? So when my friend and her mom told me I had a nice voice a year ago, I thought they were absolutely insane. "What is wrong with their ears? My voice is horrible and I sound like a duck when I sing." (Not that ducks don't have lovely voices..but, you get the picture)

So the other day, I'm talking to this girl while we're working on taking down the set for one of our school's productions. She was talking about her classes, and..well...I was just a little envious. She's in Performing Arts and has voice classes and so on. I told her I can't sing, and she was just "What? Everybody can sing."

"Not me.."

I had told her earlier that I played the violin for 9 years, and she told me how she'd never met a violinist that couldn't sing. So then she walked me through, on the elevator,from humming to singing.

Complete stranger.

I left feeling a lot better about myself that day. Not that I'm suddenly going to stand up and be like "Oh yea! I can sing!" I mean, it wasn't that big of an ego-boost. But it was very nice. Maybe some day I'll learn to actually sing. For now, I'll stick to only singing in church when nobody can actually hear me anyway.

My Sister's Keeper

I finally finished this lovely book just a few minutes ago. I've been reading it slowly over the course of the entire 10-week quarter (2 weeks left!).

Overall, this book was nothing like I expected. I'm not entirely sure I remember what I expected, other than either a really sappy and over-worked 'inspirational' story or a whiny teenager that just kills her sister off. Probably more of the first, considering the length and the apparent need to turn it into a movie that I have yet to see.

What I loved most about this book is how in depth Jodi Picoult went with the characters. The point of view changes frequently, but not in an irritating fashion where you're left wondering about the bits you missed. She goes into her characters' thoughts and explores their history, which they all have. They all have something about them that makes them extremely real and very easy to relate to, and you learn these things through exploring their history.

I won't talk much about the ending, but I will say that it left me in tears despite my strange ability to predict those kinds of things. It was just moving in how all of the events laid out before me and you just see the end coming at you like you might see a stray ball flying toward you just a moment too late to do anything about it.

My Sister's Keeper was a beautiful book that definitely is well deserving of its reputation. I read it because I'd heard about the movie, but wanted to make sure I read the book first. Now, I'm not so sure I want to see the movie.

Property

I am not your property.
I am not a prize to be won or a
commodity to bought.

You do not own me.
You can not tell me how to
live, eat, sleep or think.

I am your daughter, Father.
I am not your property or a
prize to be won.

But now I am grown.
I will do things my way and
never be your property again.

Storm

Well, I came upon this song the other day while browsing through tumblr. It's called "Storm" by Julia Marcell, who is a polish singer. I think I'm just going to let this sit here for your listening pleasure.

End of the World?

According to some people, the Rapture is upon us tomorrow.

Personally? I'm pretty skeptical. The 'calculation' used to determine tomorrow as the day God collects His own and leaves everyone else to think about what they've done before they die is based on one man's symbolic system that defines 5, 10, and 17 as the all-powerful numbers of the Bible.

Now, all in all, I'd say I'm pretty Spiritual. Not overly religious, but I do believe in God as well as some other things. But I just can't find it in me to believe in all of these Doomsday predictions--especially from a man who already predicted a previous End of the World back in 1994.

From what I understand of Revelations (being what most people have told me since I haven't read the Bible cover to cover yet), it tells you all you need to know about how the world will end. Most importantly, it tells you that we will not know when the End is upon us. That's right. All of our doomsday predictions are basically worthless. You may as well predict every day as the end, which I'm sure if you added up every single person's predictions from the entire planet you would have every day.

There are supposed to be all sorts of things that we mistake for the End, but it won't be. It's supposed to happen without us ever realizing that it's about to. Through all of the disasters, wars and predictions, the actual revisiting of the Lord is supposed to catch us off guard.

Now, whether we manage to kill ourselves off completely before then is a whole other matter.

Introduction!

Why hello there my dear sweet reader! I'll try not to bore you for too long.

In case you didn't get the memo already, I've decided that you may call me "Storm." I have no particular poetic inner meaning for this. I just really love a good storm. I'd say something about my explosive tendencies, but those are closer to volcanic.

I use my Tumblr for style inspiration, since I've been dressing the same way since middle school. You know, the typical T-shirt and jeans get up that those of us adopt who are either too lazy to do anything else or whose parents are too tight to buy you new clothes unless you outgrew them 2 years ago.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Here, I intend to be much more personal. I'll write, rant, reflect and brag. If you're lucky, I'll post pictures. Just don't count your blessings. I am no fan of having creepers come looking for me on Facebook.

If you have any questions, comments or just want to talk, feel free to do so! I love new people, so long as they're not making sexual advances (I should warn you now: I'm not interested. You could be Aries himself and I'd still say no.) Either leave a comment somewhere on this blog, or feel free to traipse along to my Ask Box on Tumblr and I'll more than happily respond.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you come again soon!