Dreams

Let me talk to you a bit about 'Dreams.' I've been watching a bunch of Glee and Make It or Break It (why, I don't know, considering these kids are 16-18 and I'm almost 21). These shows center around dreams. They center around finding that one thing to hold onto and chase after, whether it's singing or gymnastics.

I don't know. Maybe I watch them because I don't have some great, all-encompassing dream like that. I'm not even sure that I ever truly did.

Sometimes, I've felt like I was robbed of the opportunity to dream like that. We were always moving when I was little, and when we finally settled into one location it was with a bunch of people that loved to bully me. But I think now, that it's not true.

I've always had dreams. They just weren't single-minded dreams. I like trying new things out and doing things just because they sound fun. There is nothing wrong with that.

My family and friends have always thought that I'm supposed to be some great something. They say they support me, but if I go a different route than the one I was on, they get confused and aren't sure what to do with me.

I think it's just that people are expected to have this one big thing that they are supposed to do with themselves. You have to have one true calling, or you're not a valuable member of society. You can be a Gymnast or a Singer, not both. You can be a Chemist or a Model, not both. You can be a Horse Back Rider or a Writer. Not both.


Well, I have news for you, World. Things aren't black and white and you're allowed to want to do as many things as you can dream up.

Honestly, the only things I've ever really kept as some sort of life-long dream are to become a strong woman that can take on any challenge, and to live a long and healthy life. I also hope that I can find happiness with whatever I decide to do.

I've always wished I could do those stunts the Gymnasts do, or explore shipwrecks deep underwater, or sing and not have people make fun of me for sounding awful, or dance like a superstar, or to look amazing in photographs. Yes, I'd love to get up on stage one day and face a theater full of applause. I'd also love to know that I've done something to help another person.

They are all valid dreams, though they're really all that defined. I don't really want to be a world-class gymnast, or a singer with a record deal or a Broadway star or a supermodel. I just want to be a human being that lives an extraordinary life in her own way, whatever that is.

Yes, sometimes I feel robbed of my childhood. I can't remember more than half of it and the stuff I can remember isn't always pleasant. But you know what I do have? I have the Present and the Future. I have endless possibilities because I know that whatever I do, I can accomplish those goals. If I get somewhere amazing with that alone, then all the better.