Dreams

Let me talk to you a bit about 'Dreams.' I've been watching a bunch of Glee and Make It or Break It (why, I don't know, considering these kids are 16-18 and I'm almost 21). These shows center around dreams. They center around finding that one thing to hold onto and chase after, whether it's singing or gymnastics.

I don't know. Maybe I watch them because I don't have some great, all-encompassing dream like that. I'm not even sure that I ever truly did.

Sometimes, I've felt like I was robbed of the opportunity to dream like that. We were always moving when I was little, and when we finally settled into one location it was with a bunch of people that loved to bully me. But I think now, that it's not true.

I've always had dreams. They just weren't single-minded dreams. I like trying new things out and doing things just because they sound fun. There is nothing wrong with that.

My family and friends have always thought that I'm supposed to be some great something. They say they support me, but if I go a different route than the one I was on, they get confused and aren't sure what to do with me.

I think it's just that people are expected to have this one big thing that they are supposed to do with themselves. You have to have one true calling, or you're not a valuable member of society. You can be a Gymnast or a Singer, not both. You can be a Chemist or a Model, not both. You can be a Horse Back Rider or a Writer. Not both.


Well, I have news for you, World. Things aren't black and white and you're allowed to want to do as many things as you can dream up.

Honestly, the only things I've ever really kept as some sort of life-long dream are to become a strong woman that can take on any challenge, and to live a long and healthy life. I also hope that I can find happiness with whatever I decide to do.

I've always wished I could do those stunts the Gymnasts do, or explore shipwrecks deep underwater, or sing and not have people make fun of me for sounding awful, or dance like a superstar, or to look amazing in photographs. Yes, I'd love to get up on stage one day and face a theater full of applause. I'd also love to know that I've done something to help another person.

They are all valid dreams, though they're really all that defined. I don't really want to be a world-class gymnast, or a singer with a record deal or a Broadway star or a supermodel. I just want to be a human being that lives an extraordinary life in her own way, whatever that is.

Yes, sometimes I feel robbed of my childhood. I can't remember more than half of it and the stuff I can remember isn't always pleasant. But you know what I do have? I have the Present and the Future. I have endless possibilities because I know that whatever I do, I can accomplish those goals. If I get somewhere amazing with that alone, then all the better.

Singing:

So here's an interesting tidbit about my life.

I hate my voice. Like, a lot. When I hear it, I can't imagine how I sound like that. The voice I hear in my head when I'm speaking is entirely different.

Another interesting tidbit:

My entire life, I've been told I can't sing. I've been told that I can't and told to just shut up and stop trying.

Between you and me, I'd say the two have a high chance of being correlated.

Now, then. Up until about a year ago, I had never ever been told that I was capable of singing, that my voice sounded good or even been encouraged to sing much. I mean, I had a brief bout in church choir, but it was very brief because, well, what's the point of sticking around and committing time and effort to something you'll never be good at? So when my friend and her mom told me I had a nice voice a year ago, I thought they were absolutely insane. "What is wrong with their ears? My voice is horrible and I sound like a duck when I sing." (Not that ducks don't have lovely voices..but, you get the picture)

So the other day, I'm talking to this girl while we're working on taking down the set for one of our school's productions. She was talking about her classes, and..well...I was just a little envious. She's in Performing Arts and has voice classes and so on. I told her I can't sing, and she was just "What? Everybody can sing."

"Not me.."

I had told her earlier that I played the violin for 9 years, and she told me how she'd never met a violinist that couldn't sing. So then she walked me through, on the elevator,from humming to singing.

Complete stranger.

I left feeling a lot better about myself that day. Not that I'm suddenly going to stand up and be like "Oh yea! I can sing!" I mean, it wasn't that big of an ego-boost. But it was very nice. Maybe some day I'll learn to actually sing. For now, I'll stick to only singing in church when nobody can actually hear me anyway.

My Sister's Keeper

I finally finished this lovely book just a few minutes ago. I've been reading it slowly over the course of the entire 10-week quarter (2 weeks left!).

Overall, this book was nothing like I expected. I'm not entirely sure I remember what I expected, other than either a really sappy and over-worked 'inspirational' story or a whiny teenager that just kills her sister off. Probably more of the first, considering the length and the apparent need to turn it into a movie that I have yet to see.

What I loved most about this book is how in depth Jodi Picoult went with the characters. The point of view changes frequently, but not in an irritating fashion where you're left wondering about the bits you missed. She goes into her characters' thoughts and explores their history, which they all have. They all have something about them that makes them extremely real and very easy to relate to, and you learn these things through exploring their history.

I won't talk much about the ending, but I will say that it left me in tears despite my strange ability to predict those kinds of things. It was just moving in how all of the events laid out before me and you just see the end coming at you like you might see a stray ball flying toward you just a moment too late to do anything about it.

My Sister's Keeper was a beautiful book that definitely is well deserving of its reputation. I read it because I'd heard about the movie, but wanted to make sure I read the book first. Now, I'm not so sure I want to see the movie.

Property

I am not your property.
I am not a prize to be won or a
commodity to bought.

You do not own me.
You can not tell me how to
live, eat, sleep or think.

I am your daughter, Father.
I am not your property or a
prize to be won.

But now I am grown.
I will do things my way and
never be your property again.

Storm

Well, I came upon this song the other day while browsing through tumblr. It's called "Storm" by Julia Marcell, who is a polish singer. I think I'm just going to let this sit here for your listening pleasure.

End of the World?

According to some people, the Rapture is upon us tomorrow.

Personally? I'm pretty skeptical. The 'calculation' used to determine tomorrow as the day God collects His own and leaves everyone else to think about what they've done before they die is based on one man's symbolic system that defines 5, 10, and 17 as the all-powerful numbers of the Bible.

Now, all in all, I'd say I'm pretty Spiritual. Not overly religious, but I do believe in God as well as some other things. But I just can't find it in me to believe in all of these Doomsday predictions--especially from a man who already predicted a previous End of the World back in 1994.

From what I understand of Revelations (being what most people have told me since I haven't read the Bible cover to cover yet), it tells you all you need to know about how the world will end. Most importantly, it tells you that we will not know when the End is upon us. That's right. All of our doomsday predictions are basically worthless. You may as well predict every day as the end, which I'm sure if you added up every single person's predictions from the entire planet you would have every day.

There are supposed to be all sorts of things that we mistake for the End, but it won't be. It's supposed to happen without us ever realizing that it's about to. Through all of the disasters, wars and predictions, the actual revisiting of the Lord is supposed to catch us off guard.

Now, whether we manage to kill ourselves off completely before then is a whole other matter.

Introduction!

Why hello there my dear sweet reader! I'll try not to bore you for too long.

In case you didn't get the memo already, I've decided that you may call me "Storm." I have no particular poetic inner meaning for this. I just really love a good storm. I'd say something about my explosive tendencies, but those are closer to volcanic.

I use my Tumblr for style inspiration, since I've been dressing the same way since middle school. You know, the typical T-shirt and jeans get up that those of us adopt who are either too lazy to do anything else or whose parents are too tight to buy you new clothes unless you outgrew them 2 years ago.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Here, I intend to be much more personal. I'll write, rant, reflect and brag. If you're lucky, I'll post pictures. Just don't count your blessings. I am no fan of having creepers come looking for me on Facebook.

If you have any questions, comments or just want to talk, feel free to do so! I love new people, so long as they're not making sexual advances (I should warn you now: I'm not interested. You could be Aries himself and I'd still say no.) Either leave a comment somewhere on this blog, or feel free to traipse along to my Ask Box on Tumblr and I'll more than happily respond.

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you come again soon!