Jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge

This video has 9 parts. I encourage watching all the way through.

Labels

Just so this is out there, should you ever try to get me to define my situation when it comes to relationships and sex, yes: The answer would be that I'm am, by definition, asexual.


I don't feel any particular desire to go have sex. I don't see people and think "Oh, I'd like to have sex with them." And it irritates me beyond belief the sexual objectification that goes on in society. Especially when people start getting into zodiac and other stuff, because the moment they hear I'm a scorpio, they just assume that my entire essence of being is about having sex and suddenly guys are asking me out.

However, when most people ask, I just tell them "I don't date." Because I don't. I've been on a couple dates and flat out hated it. I don't get into relationships. I just don't do that stuff.

Why? Well, probably because of all the sexual objectification.

So now to the originally planned spiel on Labels:


I think the labeling of 'sexual' or 'asexual' orientation is, for the most part, extremely useless and has been taken way too far.

The way I see it, it shouldn't matter if you're gay, bi, straight, asexual, biromantic, demisexual, or whatever. Having the names there to identify it so that, in the event that something is happening against your preferences, you can tell them "Hey, no thank you. I'm ____" and then move on with your lives.

Actually, this should apply to everything. Whether you're black, asian, christian, wiccan, satanist, or anything else. It's your personal identification, but it shouldn't become your restriction.

Labels have gotten way out of hand. This is why: because there is power in a name.


Whether you scoff at that idea or not, I think we all know it's true. How many of us have had our full names turned against us when our parents are angry?

There's a reason I don't tell people my middle name. The only use it has had is to get me to do things for my parents. Would I give that same power to someone I just met on the street? Hell no.

Actually, it works with your regular name, too. When you tell someone your First(+Last) name, what does that enable them to do?

• Look you up in a phonebook
• Find your Facebook, Myspace, and any other social networking site you might be associated with
• Google you to find pictures
• Stop you in public to say "Hello" and start conversations
• Ask you to do them a favor

So when you go around asserting yourself as Gay, Lesbian, Asexual, Demisexual, Satanist, Wiccan, Christian and so on, you're giving similar power to others. Sometimes it can be good and sometimes it can be hurtful.

I do not believe that they are things that should be hidden for convenience. I just think that our focus on them is outrageous.

You shouldn't have to tell anyone about sexual orientation unless it comes up in a private conversation. 

And then, if it is brought up, it shouldn't hold such a huge impact over people. 

Why?

Because we are all HUMANS. We are human beings and we share our space with each other. We share our lives, experiences, joys, sorrows, and so much more with everyone we ever encounter without even intending to. Just because someone does not share your own reality does not make them human. We all have blood that pumps oxygen through our bodies, brains that send electric impulses through the synapses between neurons to make your body move, think, breathe, digest and pee. 

Your employer doesn't need to know your sexual orientation, but if it were to come up it should have zero effect on your employment or paycheck. 

The Government shouldn't have any control over what people of different walks of life do. It's none of their business. They exist to protect the overall well-being, not to put pointless restrictions on everyone to feed their God-complex. 

If a man wants to marry a man, that's really none of your business. 

If a man or woman does not want to have sex and has never had sex, it should not induce an incredulous gasp from those around. Is it really that big of a deal? No, it is not.

Similarly, if a man or woman admits to having a lot of sex and enjoying it, it should not induce an incredulous gasp from those around. Because it really is not that big of a deal.

Just because a man is gay doesn't mean he wants to get with you. 

And this just does on and on.

I hate the huge explosions that occur over something of such little overall importance.

Dreams

Let me talk to you a bit about 'Dreams.' I've been watching a bunch of Glee and Make It or Break It (why, I don't know, considering these kids are 16-18 and I'm almost 21). These shows center around dreams. They center around finding that one thing to hold onto and chase after, whether it's singing or gymnastics.

I don't know. Maybe I watch them because I don't have some great, all-encompassing dream like that. I'm not even sure that I ever truly did.

Sometimes, I've felt like I was robbed of the opportunity to dream like that. We were always moving when I was little, and when we finally settled into one location it was with a bunch of people that loved to bully me. But I think now, that it's not true.

I've always had dreams. They just weren't single-minded dreams. I like trying new things out and doing things just because they sound fun. There is nothing wrong with that.

My family and friends have always thought that I'm supposed to be some great something. They say they support me, but if I go a different route than the one I was on, they get confused and aren't sure what to do with me.

I think it's just that people are expected to have this one big thing that they are supposed to do with themselves. You have to have one true calling, or you're not a valuable member of society. You can be a Gymnast or a Singer, not both. You can be a Chemist or a Model, not both. You can be a Horse Back Rider or a Writer. Not both.


Well, I have news for you, World. Things aren't black and white and you're allowed to want to do as many things as you can dream up.

Honestly, the only things I've ever really kept as some sort of life-long dream are to become a strong woman that can take on any challenge, and to live a long and healthy life. I also hope that I can find happiness with whatever I decide to do.

I've always wished I could do those stunts the Gymnasts do, or explore shipwrecks deep underwater, or sing and not have people make fun of me for sounding awful, or dance like a superstar, or to look amazing in photographs. Yes, I'd love to get up on stage one day and face a theater full of applause. I'd also love to know that I've done something to help another person.

They are all valid dreams, though they're really all that defined. I don't really want to be a world-class gymnast, or a singer with a record deal or a Broadway star or a supermodel. I just want to be a human being that lives an extraordinary life in her own way, whatever that is.

Yes, sometimes I feel robbed of my childhood. I can't remember more than half of it and the stuff I can remember isn't always pleasant. But you know what I do have? I have the Present and the Future. I have endless possibilities because I know that whatever I do, I can accomplish those goals. If I get somewhere amazing with that alone, then all the better.

Singing:

So here's an interesting tidbit about my life.

I hate my voice. Like, a lot. When I hear it, I can't imagine how I sound like that. The voice I hear in my head when I'm speaking is entirely different.

Another interesting tidbit:

My entire life, I've been told I can't sing. I've been told that I can't and told to just shut up and stop trying.

Between you and me, I'd say the two have a high chance of being correlated.

Now, then. Up until about a year ago, I had never ever been told that I was capable of singing, that my voice sounded good or even been encouraged to sing much. I mean, I had a brief bout in church choir, but it was very brief because, well, what's the point of sticking around and committing time and effort to something you'll never be good at? So when my friend and her mom told me I had a nice voice a year ago, I thought they were absolutely insane. "What is wrong with their ears? My voice is horrible and I sound like a duck when I sing." (Not that ducks don't have lovely voices..but, you get the picture)

So the other day, I'm talking to this girl while we're working on taking down the set for one of our school's productions. She was talking about her classes, and..well...I was just a little envious. She's in Performing Arts and has voice classes and so on. I told her I can't sing, and she was just "What? Everybody can sing."

"Not me.."

I had told her earlier that I played the violin for 9 years, and she told me how she'd never met a violinist that couldn't sing. So then she walked me through, on the elevator,from humming to singing.

Complete stranger.

I left feeling a lot better about myself that day. Not that I'm suddenly going to stand up and be like "Oh yea! I can sing!" I mean, it wasn't that big of an ego-boost. But it was very nice. Maybe some day I'll learn to actually sing. For now, I'll stick to only singing in church when nobody can actually hear me anyway.

My Sister's Keeper

I finally finished this lovely book just a few minutes ago. I've been reading it slowly over the course of the entire 10-week quarter (2 weeks left!).

Overall, this book was nothing like I expected. I'm not entirely sure I remember what I expected, other than either a really sappy and over-worked 'inspirational' story or a whiny teenager that just kills her sister off. Probably more of the first, considering the length and the apparent need to turn it into a movie that I have yet to see.

What I loved most about this book is how in depth Jodi Picoult went with the characters. The point of view changes frequently, but not in an irritating fashion where you're left wondering about the bits you missed. She goes into her characters' thoughts and explores their history, which they all have. They all have something about them that makes them extremely real and very easy to relate to, and you learn these things through exploring their history.

I won't talk much about the ending, but I will say that it left me in tears despite my strange ability to predict those kinds of things. It was just moving in how all of the events laid out before me and you just see the end coming at you like you might see a stray ball flying toward you just a moment too late to do anything about it.

My Sister's Keeper was a beautiful book that definitely is well deserving of its reputation. I read it because I'd heard about the movie, but wanted to make sure I read the book first. Now, I'm not so sure I want to see the movie.